Elevate Your Potential Magazine
How to Say Goodbye to the Need for Approval
When we urgently aim to please other people, we’re seeking approval of self from outside sources. And whenever we reach for something in the outside world to give us what we should be giving ourselves, we set ourselves up for disappointment.
We set ourselves up to live a life we don’t particularly want, but will fit with what other people expect of us. We don’t dare take a chance on something that may bring on a disapproving stare or rank low on the social status meter. We do what’s expected of us. We do what others want for us and from us.
In return, we get their approval. You might be thinking, “Why not seek approval?” Well, the reason is that we only get it at the expense of knowing what we want and being our true selves. When we seek others’ approval, we miss opportunities to learn how to approve of ourselves — even if others don’t.
The Importance of Knowing Yourself
When others’ acceptance of you impacts how you make decisions about where to spend your time, you lose awareness of what’s important to you, what drives you, and what makes you happy. You might feel stuck doing work you don’t particularly enjoy and continue habits that are counterproductive.
If this feels true for you, it’s time to focus your energy on getting in touch with what really matters to you. Start asking yourself questions like: What do I value? How is it that I prefer to spend my time? Start to listen to what you really want for your life, and align your actions with your values, principles, and goals. When you live in line with what you value, your life becomes much simpler and more effortless.
Instead of making decisions based on what others will approve of, start making them based on what’s right for you. When you make conscious choices about how to spend your time and are committed to doing what’s valuable to you, you’re able to create your own life. | Read the full story…. psychologytoday.com
Tips Borrowed from the book “When It’s Never About You.”
1. I should always do what others expect from me
2. I should always listen to everyone’s problems and try my best to solve them
3. I should always be nice and never hurt someone else’s feelings
4. I should always be happy and never burden others with my negative feelings
5. I should never say “no” to something that is asked of me
About the Author
Ilene S. Cohen, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, professor, blogger and award-winning author of the popular self-help guide, When It’s Never About You. Her work regularly appears in top psychology publications.
After graduating from the University of Tampa with a B.A. in Psychology, Dr. Ilene obtained her Master’s and Ph.D. degrees in Marriage and Family Therapy from Nova Southeastern University. She is fueled by her passion for helping people achieve their goals, build a strong sense of self, and lead meaningful lives.
Dr. Ilene resides in Miami, Florida with her husband and two young daughters.
To read more of Dr. Cohen’s articles, visit http://doctorilene.com